Trying my best to heal, without you by my side and without us in the future. I will always pray the best for you, no matter what it is. InsyaAllah may all your pains go away as time goes by, and may you find your happiness. Ive known the meaning of love through you. Please take care of yourself, and dont overwork yourself. 

All nights when you called me, ive been crying in silent. 

I dont know if you realized it or not. Crying in silent bcs i dont see us in the future, if we keep on like this. Sooner or later, we have to end this. Almost 3 years i tried to understand your situation, i tried to be the perfect gf, i tried to be the understanding gf. And i am really sorry, i dont think i can be that anymore. I need someone who can remember about ‘us’, who can meet my family/friends, who can come over when i say i miss you. Yes i know i am greedy. Almost 3 years and i didnt ask for any of that. 

What hurts me the most, was when you never willing to discuss about us when i asked you. You would always, always tried to run away from discussion. Everytime when i open up about us, you would always come up with stories that stressed you out, and in the end i cant push you for discussion bcs i dont want to stress you more. Bcs i am that “understanding gf”. When i said i want to discuss about us, i meant that im willing to help you as much as i can, and i want to see how far your effort was. But too bad, you never willing to discuss anything with me. 

And then it got to one point, where you gave me “dnd mode”. Thats when i realized, this is it. There will be no us if you keep on being like this. Keep giving excuses and your “dnd mode” to me. Its so sad when i think about it. I guess i am nobody to you that you can ignore me like that. “Dnd mode” i swear i never thought that would be your reaction. It hurts me so much when the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, be willing to give you “do not disturb mode”. I cannot live with people like that, i cannot live with a man who is not open for a discussion, i cannot live with a man who is always giving excuses when discussion. 

As much as i love you, i cannot keep letting you hurt me like this. Bcs i know, if this goes on i am the who will hurt more. Whats the point of being together if you dont want to discuss about us in the first place? Did “us” ever exist in your life? I am doing this for me, not for anyone else. Bcs i am so much hurt and tired from your excuses. Imagine being me, i cannot ask anything from you bcs i know you are so stress about your family, about money. But this has been dragging for too long. Too long and i cannot hold you anymore. 

And here i am, giving you what you want. 

Do not disturb. 

I wont disturb you anymore. I am so sorry for everything. I am sorry im not strong enough, im not patient enough for you. I love you so much that it hurts me alot more. Take care. Goodbye.