Friday; 11/01/2022

Tired. Honestly I’m so tired. This whole week got me so freaking tired. For 3 days straight i dont have live class for my LCCI. The teachers just provide recorded video class. People would thought “wow thats a good thing, you get to rest and bla bla bla”, well to me it is not a good thing. I know myself too well that I surely aint gonna watch the recorded video. I paid for the live class not for some recorded video class in which the video length are short around less than an hour whereas the actual class should be 1.5hour. 

I hate that i know myself too well that I’ll probably watch the recorded video next week or next 2 weeks 😭 and i hate that. I mean thats on me tho, i ain’t blamming other people its just that I feel sucks bila takde class. Urghhh. 

A Few months left before exam, I can feel the pressure already 😭 I dont know if I’m capable to take the exam, takde confidence like when i was in politeknik 😭 Stressnya Allah je tahu. Stress sampai tahap tiba2 nangis masa dalam class ya, and which shows that i was not fully 100% focus in class. My mind was wandering elsewhere, fikir nak kahwin, fikir family, fikir classs, fikir exam, fikir kerja. Talking about kerja, 1 akak in my dept will resign and I’ll probably be doing her task when she’s gone (if still no replacement). The fcking cycle where i have to backup other people’s task 😭 bencinya. I already have a lot on my hand, this is just too much 😭 Why la Why Why just Why. If mind or brain could blow up, mine would be the first one to blow up lol

All these things are effecting me so much that this week i was not being myself. I’m usually the bising one at office, and would always cracks a stupid jokes but this week i was totally quiet. Like really quiet, and akak2 semua mcm “diba tak kerja ke minggu ni 🤣” i swear i was laughing when i heard that tapi the laugh doesnt come out 🤣 i just dont feel like talking that much this week, kesian akak2 opis. They all thought that I was probably gaduh with my bf lol 🤣 Bad mood je gaduh dengan bf sheesh too mainstream. I had bigger things to think about other than bf 🤣 

We still good and happy and I’m glad he’s being understanding whenever i rant about my stress. Alhamdulillah walaupun all he can say is “santai je, jangan stress2, rilek la” 🤣 that little words means so much to me, bcs sometimes all you ever need is someone to listen to your rants. Just listen and be there. Hehe