Ps;

This has been in my draft for almost more than half a year lol.

I just keep writing but dont have the courage to post it. 

So its a late post, here we go. 

18.12.2021

Alhamdulillah. Another year older, another year wiser. Turned 27 last sat, surrounded with people i love the most. I cant put it into words on how much grateful i am right now. Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah, thank you Allah. For this blessing in my life, for giving me another year to go through, for giving me all these people i love the most. 

Few days before my birthday, i got quite bad news for my mom. Her kidney problems are getting worse, currently at last stage. Sedih, sangat sedih bcs i know my mom really take care of her health, she control her diet so much, never missed out her ubats and its still getting worse. We dont know what went wrong. Shes the strongest person ever, she didnt even cried when the doctor told us. Me? Of course la tak nangis jugak lol nangis bila sorang2 tu wajib. I was so down, and i just dont feel like doing anything. Cant imagine how my mom feels 😭 i tried so hard to act normal, to smile, to make my mom feel like this is nothing new to us, this is small matter, we can get through this. But deep down my heart, im scared, so scared of a lot of possibilities 😭 And to my thinking, this is probably worst birthday gifts ever (little did i know, I was getting the best birthday gifts ever!). 

And i decided im gonna celebrate my birthday with my family. I want to spend my weekend with my family, i want to cook good foods for my mom (bcs shes been having some appetite issues lately ni). I just dont want to see anyone else in this state, where im not happy and sad. And i told ct, probably have to cancel our trip to temerloh. Kesian ct, shes been craving nak makan ikan patin temerloh and we planned to go there on my birthday but i just cant go out with this sad mood. Bina and ipan were busy with their own family, biasa la dah kahwin kan and im totally okay with that. My man wanted to meet me after work on sat night and i told him no since its gonna be late at night and hes probably gonna be tired taknak la susahkan dia and jauh pulak tu and kereta dia ada problem so definitely no. Told him i will meet him on sun or next week. 

4 days bfr my birthday, i told my bf about my mother, luahkan rasa sedih, and i didnt get any response from him. Like literally no reply to that text. Maybe bcs at that time he was playing football and tak sempat nak reply. I was sad, like so sad. I was already sad about my mom, but bertambah sedih bila no response from him bila i meluahkan. I asked him the next day, regarding the text. I was trying so hard to be understanding at that time, that maybe dia tak sempat reply sbb penat main bola, balik, mandi, main phone then tido like he told me. But my heart aches when i saw him online ig and fb but didnt response to the text. And its one of the reasons why I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday, bcs i feel like i didn’t matter to anyone, even to my bf. 

In relationship, all that matters is communication. Tell your partner anything and what you feel, and be a listener. Advice your partner when its needed. That’s all that matters to me. I dont need fancy and branded items, just be with me and listen to my rants, be my advisor when needed, correct each other when needed, support each other in terms of anything, tolerate towards each other. That's all im asking in relationship. I don’t want to repeat my mistake in my past relationship, where i keep too much things to myself, where i bottled up all what i feel until one day I couldn’t hold it in anymore and i just left, bcs I can’t handle it anymore. That’s who i was before as a partner. I kept things to myself and there’s no 2 way communication, bcs he didn’t want to talk and i was being too understanding. 

So long story short, they came to my house to surprise me for my birthday. 18/12/2022 12am, ct bina ipan and my bf surprised me. I didn't expect that they would come all the way here, to port klang, in heavy rain and flood everywhere 🥺 And I didn’t expect my bf would be here also, since I told him i dont want to meet him 🥺 sumpah terharu, like i cried on the spot and speechless. This is by far the best birthday ever although there were sadness but with a lil sprinkle of sweetness can make me the happiest girl ever. Alhamdulillah ya Allah.